I love the deep thoughts humor of Jack Handy, here are a couple real funny ones my wife, Christy, shared with me. The second one below has been her favorite for years.
"The next time I have meat and mashed potatoes, I think I'll put a very large blob of potatoes on my plate with just a little piece of meat. And if someone asks me why I didn't get more meat, I'll just say, 'Oh, you mean this?' and pull out a big piece of meat from inside the blob of potatoes, where I've
hidden it. Good magic trick, huh?"
"To me, it’s a good idea to always carry two sacks of something when you walk around. That way, if anybody says, 'Hey, can you give me a hand?' You can say, 'Sorry, got these sacks.'"